“Ask Mystic Mairi”

We received a question from a member, asking…

“My friend always texts, like 100 times a day, what do you think, Mystic Mairi? What can I do about it?”

We asked Mystic Mairi and she told us:

“Well, usually when someone texts quiet a lot they are pretty lonely and they are looking for some insurance for company in their life.

There might be a reason this person is texting and they are not telling you a real reason what is going on in their life. Maybe they don’t have courage to say but will instead rather be texting, but what they want really is to see you face in face.

So, why not just try to meet with them face to face?

Then saying : Look – I know we are friends, good friends but it is making me feel a bit uncomfortable when you text so much.

As I said there might be a reason this person is texting, but they are not telling you a real reason what is going on in their life. Defiantly meet up with this person, it is your friend and it is important to be there for each other.

Arrange a day, go for lunch, cinema or something nice, I would suggest doing activity together. And you trying to find what is happening. What can you do to help your friend and help them open up a little bit.

The thing is that what you need to do is to reassure this person you are friends but also be clear that you don’t know want to be receiving so many texts. Be clear that is what you want.

We just checked with Mairi if she has any experience with people who text a lot. This is what she then told us.

I have a friend, a bombarder, who I am very close with. She texts me all the time. She is lonely and doesn’t have many people of her age who they speak to. I want to be there for her, so I don’t ignore her texts. I just say “I am fine, we will meet up”

People just need some reassurance and want that social contact.

I understand it is annoying, but what we need to do is to be there for each other – meet up and tell them that you appreciate them and the fact that you are friends. I suggest making a deal with this person and just try on texting just once a week. This is what I do with this friend, over and over again.

Also a definitely day out together would really help. It always does. Friends just want kindness and time spent together.

It can be just a walk in the park, it doesn’t need to cost money. This is another reason why people are insecure and they think they need to spend a lot of money on friends, but we know that is not the case.

We don’t need to meet every week, which is another thing I tell to my friend.

I hope that is helpful to you.

On another note Mairi added:

You have to remember that the problem is also that we all have learning disability and in my case, having an impairment can be confusing sometimes. People live with the condition and I remember wishing when I was younger to grow out of my own disability, but now I know I need to learn how to live with it.

I often feel uncomfortable to do and try new things, because of my impairment and I find this very difficult to overcome this initial discomfort. I find those situations awkward, I find it quite a lot of energy to get ready and find time before going to the event. Social time takes energy, we need to protect our won time. I still find it hard to know what social convention is right or wrong. And I know many other people find this hard, too.

I know how it is like to try to be social and I find that hard to be social and it is difficult for me sometimes, will I say the right thing, will I do the right thing, I get nervous.

I know I come across as very bubbly person but actually inside I worry how I am perceived. I think we need to remind ourselves that living with disability can take time for us to process information and learning the right social convention.

So I don’t mind making myself vulnerable here to help other people to see that we are all the same. I think a lot of people are in this situation so I am just trying to help others, and I know a lot of people in my age category would feel the same.”

What a wise woman. Thanks Mairi!

Have you got any questions you would like to ask Mystic Mairi about? Then please emails “Ask Mystic Mairi” on info@get2gether.org.uk